Tomorrow would be different.

She walked through the door and laid her keys and phone on the table. The brown coat slid off her arms and her shoulders felt relaxed as if she had dropped the weight of the world from them. She fell over the arm of the couch and slid comfortably into place. The house was silent, which was something she very desperately needed. Her body felt insecure laying on the couch. She felt too fat. She stared at the ceiling and felt her stomach with her hands. It suddenly stopped mattering to her and she cried a little. The lights were dim and her eyes followed the shadows they created like a foreign galaxy projected on her walls. It had been a long day.

She finally convinced herself to move. How long had it been since she was required to do nothing? A question she felt no need to answer. She rose from her stillness and her footsteps were welcome chaos on the hardwood. She slipped her shoes off and checked her text messages. They were an empty language she did not feel inclined to decipher. The phone sang its tune as she severed the power at the press of a button. The refrigerator looked tempting and she remembered strawberries and chocolate syrup. She was overwhelmed and smiled a bit.

She placed a bowl on the counter and filled it with strawberries. She poured the syrup in generous streams and made smiley faces out of meal. The Mountain Dew tickled her throat as she washed it down. Eating her feelings was one thing, but today she felt like eating her entire life away. She stopped herself at two bowls though a few more may have made her feel better. "Carnal Knowledge" she thought. Oh well.

She removed her clothing and stood in front of the mirror starting at her naked body. The air was cold and her skin became alive with goosebumps. She had felt cold all day. Summer meant nothing today for today was winter. She placed her hands on her left breast and felt. Perhaps the doctor was wrong and if she felt nothing this would all just go away. She did feel something: A small knot on the inner breast no larger than a peanut. She felt insulted something so small could destroy her in such a manner. Yesterday she was smiling and laughing with her mother on their shopping spree. Today was not that kind of day. She stood still and stared at her body. It was a strange feeling. She felt beautiful. As insecure as she had been her entire life, this naked body, a stranger's body, was beautiful. It couldn't be her, she was only a passenger using another's eyes for a small moment.

She walked into the bathroom and ran a hot bath. She poured over half a 20 ounce bottle of bubble bath into the waiting pool. It's scent of mango and kiwi intoxicated her being and she gave herself freely. She turned off the faucet and placed her foot into the steaming water. The heat was a sensation, just absent a baptism. It engulfed her body like a gas fire and she felt free of her thoughts. She leaned her head back and cried some. What would she tell her mother? How would her boyfriend react? How many bills were due this month? Did she remember to set the alarm? Isn't she too young? And then her thoughts went elsewhere for a while; meadows, highways, where these things did not exist.

The water cooled in time but she wasn't aware until it was freezing. The bubbles died down and she knew it was time to get out of the tub. She dried her body and put on a robe. Her hair was stringy and curled from the water. She laid her body on her bed. It was strangely warm and comfortable. She welcomed the relief. A bottle of sleeping pills lay by the bed. She could take them all and sleep for years, wouldn't that be something? Instead, she took two and placed her head on the large pillow. As it sank into the cushioning she was sure of only one thing: tomorrow would be different.

life as I see it and some advice along the way....RAMBLE ON!

I am a different person than I was one year ago, even 5 years ago. I am comfortable with who I am, perhaps for the first time in my life. I've always fought a war between who I am and who I wanted to be. I have not lived a very comfortable life. I've had to fight for the few things I do have and though, I may come across as an opinionated asshole quite a bit, I'm not that person all of the time. I come across that way because it's in my demeanor and I'm use to the conflict and my mouth has yet to be disciplined.

When I graduated High School, which seems like ages ago, It seems like I was expected to know who I was and what to do. I was very far from knowing both of those things. I was just as lost as I was found. I got a job, took a few classes and ended up with nothing really to show for it. I was in love with someone who was not in love with me.

I actually once pretended to be someone else on ICQ just to see how she was. I know, LAME! But it stands out and is a good story to tell...kinda. But alas, I made a lot of quick decisions running from things I should have been running to. I met a girl from Missouri(I know what you're thinking....bear with me). I went out, three times. Once for over a month. At that point, it felt like home. I felt accepted by someone for once and I thought if it crumbled, and it did crumble, I would be nobody.

It took me a long time to get over that loss. And I rushed into more crappy decisions to do so. I find it hard to be in a relationship or attempt one because of the way I treated them in the past. I'm hesitant...that's an understatement. Truth be told, I like my life as a single guy. I'm not sure I am capable of connecting...though I do not refrain from trying. I keep myself grounded in reality and I think things through a lot more so than in the past.

Through my life, I found out who my friends were, and even though I don't get to see them as much as I'd like with schedules and...just life in general, I still love them all. And I'm lucky to have met so many great people over the years that I'd call my brothers and sisters. I've been blessed with a lot of people, some I've even took for granted over the years...but I know where my place is now. And part of being here means I will never forget those who stood by me.

I know that someone is reading this and wondering: "What the fuck is the point?"

HOLD THE HELL ON! IT'S COMING!

I've done a lot of things that I do wish I could take back: rushed into things without thinking, created a persona that wasn't quite me, and placed bets on too many of the wrong cards....But here I am, 26 years old, virtually unscathed.

But I survived. I'm the person I am because of my life. I stand up on my own two feet and I'm not dependent on anyone. I'm a different sort of guy and I've embraced that. There are things that scare the shit out of me that I see in my future...but I face those things with an open mind and an open heart. I can't be a perfect person, but I don't strive for that. I strive to be a better person.

So, at the end of all this rambling, for those that made it here, I want the reader to know that you are not alone. Everyone fights a war against themselves at one time or another. Take it from one who knows; keep your head up. There are so many situations that we feel we have no control over and that feeling will tear at your foundation. Whether you're in a breakup, a midlife crisis or you're just a fool like me, you are what you FIGHT to become.

I know who I am. What I want takes a backseat to that. I stand for something, in spite of my past, so I can step in my future. I know more than anyone that he who does not fall never stands. And I want to thank anyone who has ever sent a positive vibe or prayer my way. Without you, I would not have made it.

God of Thunder and Rock & Roll.

Obligatory: Stop.....Hammertime!

Who's everyone's favorite God of badass hammers and thunder? That's right, it's Thor! Thor was a movie that I never thought would be filmed. Thor is a hard comic to adapt. Taking in account the myths and legends that surround the character...It's almost scary to be put in the shoes of someone who has to pump out a script for this. But...Thor is also a film and script that succeeds on almost all levels. Strong character driven story, great battles, epic adventure, and great dialog make Thor the film it is.

The gist of the film consists of Thor tricked into violating a long standing truce by his brother Loki, leaving him banished from Asgard and exiled to the mortal realm of Earth.  Simple synopsis but the execution of said events are Thor's strong point. 

Most comic books start off with said hero acquiring their power or motivation for being who and what they are; Thor, however, is a different story. The character already has his badassery during the beginning of the film. He's straight up kicking giant ass 15 minutes into the film. It's kind of refreshing not to have to sit through another Origin story considering those kind of peaked with Batman Begins. There simply has not been a good one since. Even well received films like Iron Man suffer from a weak Origin. Props to the script for avoiding a long and drawn out narrative. 

Thor, being the established God that he is, still has his tragic flaws. He is an arrogant warrior who rushes to decisions all too soon, eventually jeopardizing a long standing truce between Asgard and The Frost Giants set forth by one uber-badass Anthony Hopkins as Odin. Hopkins, who slums a lot for a paycheck despite being one of the best actors ever, is really awesome here. When news of his casting was announced, I simply thought he'd be in the film about 2 minutes and that would be that. Thankfully, this was not the case. Odin plays a big part in Thor's story and character. 

Speaking of great actors, it's very difficult to talk about anyone without mentioning both Thor and Loki. Hemsworth is terrific as Thor. He brings the character to life in the same way as Downey Jr.'s Iron Man and Bale's Batman are brought to life. His charisma adds a lot to the character of Thor and he actually ends up being a damn good actor. I first saw him in the opening of Abrams' Star Trek as Kirk's father, in less than 10 minutes, he made you feel like you wanted to cry. He's a very emotional actor and really puts forth the effort to be the character. At no point does it ever feel like he is not Thor which has been a problem with a lot of Marvel works lately. 

On the other end of the spectrum you have Loki as played by Tom Hiddleston. I have no idea where this guy came from. I've never seen him in anything other than Thor, but WOW! He sure makes Loki one hell of a villain. He's very symbolic in his portrayal and quite sympathetic. I really felt bad for Loki through the whole film. Hiddleston is an excellent actor, perhaps the best performance in the film. I can't say enough good things about it. There is a scene with Odin and Loki after Thor's Banishment that simply gives me chills. 

"Oh, Look, Hulk! A Taco Bell!!!"

The supporting cast is great as well, all of Thor's battle buddies are present: Volstagg to Sif. But of course, there is on weakness to the film....Natalie Portman. I love Natalie in pretty much everything she does. But in this film...she's just kind of here. No real performance, and she's adequate as Thor's main squeeze...but I never got the impression that she was this great physicist or cared about what her work would bring. But I may just be nitpicking here. 

          

Thor is one of the very few comic book movies that you don't have to read the comic book to understand or enjoy. That's one of the strong points about the film. Thor is not just a good comic book film, it is a great movie and perhaps my favorite of the Marvel films. It's a must see for the summer and a must own for any self respecting geek.

9 out of 10. 

And one year later.

So, I reactivated this thing. Disregard the other entries. I'm a different person now and have been for some time. I guess I should catch the blog up. Let's start with this years events.

Since last August I've: Been Accepted to Virginia Tech in the English Program(eventually to become ESL), Graduated from NRCC, Been accepted into a Dorm at VT, Got a job at Walmart(gag) and have matured quite a bit....well, all the important parts are still just as immature. :) I've lost about 40 pounds and I'm also a vegetarian(GASP! WILLPOWER! Holla at ya boy!).

So, That's been my year. It's a pretty great year. Also, I've come to a lot of realizations about my life and I have compromised greatly with myself. I have a different disposition but I'm still the same old me, just with more cocaine jokes. I have been blessed by Thor with some really good things lately and I've been in the mood to write constantly, yet, I've withheld that. My grammar has suffered. This blog is going to be more random than anything. I don't want to focus too much on any given thing. I have a lot of interests; Quantam Physics, Agnosticism, Music, Movies, Viking Mythology, Russian Literature, and youtubes of people getting hurt in funny ways. I hope to be able to share some of my writing as well. If you happen to work for a paper/magazine/blog site....PLEASE FUCKING HIRE ME! I'm like Hunter S. Thompson/George Carlin/Thor/Jesus/That Creepy Guy at the 7/11. :) And I'm broke as fuck-all.

I know my blog is a bit depressing at the moment. I hope to have a new and improved (greener) layout up by the weekend. Who knows what I'll do? I sure don't. Anyways, feel free to comment, be nice, be a cunt, either way, I'm still awesome. So, if you think I should write about something, Just suggest it. Comments are always welcome.

Now, to the disclaimer: I'm not worrying about offending anyone. I've been through enough shit to form my own opinions about things. If you're offended easily, this blog won't be for you. This is how I see the world. You may see it differently, that's fine, but I'm not the right person to be reading if your day consists of work and the couch. I'm a different sort. I know who I am, and it's taken long enough,; I don't offer apologies for that. Neither should you. :)