yes. we're dumb.

We are a distracted people. Humanity has finally overcome the little things with more and more little things. When I think about how much I rely on technology, it kind of scares me. For instance, how often do I check my phone daily? 15-20 times? How often do we log onto Facebook just to see if someone has replied to our posts or liked our status? People are craving more and more social recognition online than in person and I believe that may be the moral decay of our society. Indoctrination to the vast world that we know little about.

Everyone knows I can talk about anything. I talk too much.  Sometimes people give me odd looks like I'm super smart and they just don't get it or that I'm super dumb and they just don't get it. I think I'm interesting. I think part of that comes by taking advantage of humanity's weakness: face-to-face interaction. I have a loud, obnoxious personality sometimes but other times, I can be very engaging. I know my social weaknesses, but I still have a great strength in language that most people lack. People can say anything they want in written form, I used to be that way too. I only wrote what I felt and let my pen do the talking... I have since learned to make my words poignant and visceral. I get a lot of odd looks when I say what's on my mind, partially because I'm weird and partially because people are not used to forwardness in conventional conversation.

Social Networking is a bastardization of media, consumerism, and Psychology. On twitter, news of the London Riots reached 1.6 million people in less than four minutes, 28 minutes before any news organization had the story on air. Facebook games are a billion dollar industry, literally thousands of people pay money to buy things for an imaginary game world like farmville. Can you imagine if our efforts were dedicated collectively towards a real farm?

The positive aspects of the internet can be seen as well, I won't deny what a great source of information the internet is and the positive influence it has had over my own life. I spend a lot of time discovering things I do not know or have never heard. I'm able to study cultures I'd never even known about, learn about quantum mechanics on a basic level, get help with my math homework, and find out about local and national news in seconds. We take in so much information daily but unfortunately we use and apply very little of that information. We have a great social tool, we have a sociological melting pot and panacea at our disposal, yet we treat it as a great nepenthe, a parasite feeding off our distraction.

Instead of talking to someone, we text. Why? Because it's easier? No, more than likely it's because we are becoming more antisocial. People are getting dumber. Take a look at american politics or our media and their reliance on conservative or liberal one liners and twitter to see that happening before your eyes. We use lol, lmfao, and idk to form full thoughts and sentences. We have disregarded all of the benefits that come with going out and having a beer with friends, we can't even hold a conversation without checking our phones. I'm as guilty as anyone. No one truly writes anymore, they blog. No one talks, they texts or message each other. How well do we know our friends outside of their technological lives? At what point do we consider ourselves part of this mass machine as we lose our individuality? I can't say for certain what the future holds, but I do believe that as our communication becomes crippled, so will our world. If we were asked about the defining moment in history two hundred years from now, what would that be? For me, it would be the day everyone stopped paying attention.

Relationships.

When I think back to the girls I have been in love with, I realize they have all moved on with assholes, cheaters, morons and imbeciles. It's ironic that I felt I was not good enough or that I lacked something. I know that I have my flaws, and when you are trying to date someone, sometimes the flaws are all they try and see. But as long as I have felt that I was the problem, seeing the outcome, perhaps it wasn't me after all. They've surely had people they've compared me to let them down and cheat and lie to them. So, the question is, what, exactly, was I being compared to?  

It's easy to look at the situation they are in and revel in it. To some degree I do, but I don't feel any better about the bad things that have happened to them. And the ones that I have "loved," I think the same is true for anyone: I carry little pieces inside of me that cut like knives (I know what you were talking about, Bryan Adams!) when I see them or hear them. I tend to avoid them for that reason. I'm not sure that I'm really out of love or in love. But there is something that bothers me about my past, still.

It's difficult for me to love. It has to do with how things turned out, or the things that were said that eventually got back to me, or the harsh realities that were set in, or finding out that I was just kept around as a backup plan. My love life has been a terrible mark on my past. I've never been able to hold a relationship long or impress someone enough during a date. As a result, I have an emotional disconnect from humanity, which makes it even harder to do anything more than go through the motions. Complicated by the fact that I purposely stay busy to avoid such decisions or impulses, I think I wont ever get it figured out.

Now, it may sound like I blame the women I dated or tried to date. I don't. The blame is in the mirror. There are a lot of things that I would do differently but that boils down to the fact that I am different. I still keep my imagination, I still hold on to child-like qualities. I have no intention of ever being deemed an outstanding member of society. I enjoy the mischief I occasionally get into. I don't fit into the molds women have set for me. I'm not handsome, I'm not a cowboy, and I'm not James Dean. But like James Dean, I am a rebel, someone that sees things for what they are and I have a brutal case of honesty. This is all a result of my past and my failures that have made me who I am. I am a decent guy who just happens to be devoid of a lot of societal bullshit.

I've spent a lot of my time in life observing people. There are a few reasons for this: I don't trust them, I don't like them, and I am just that curious. What makes me most curious about their lives is how they conduct their own relationships. I see intelligent, mature women fall into the same pitfalls as a young, naive girls for little reason other than they just want to be told that they're beautiful. And I see guys taking advantage of this...because...well, it's easy to do. Tell them what they want to hear, it's the oldest trick in the book. You can be in bed with anyone in as little as 3 months. Tried and true.

This is all because people have made their relationships into a game they play. Scores are tallied both positive and negative. And few people are willing to wake up. Time doesn't make things better. I see a lot of women who hold off dating someone for months if not years because the last relationship didn't work out, only to end up going down the same road. Guys have this "warrior" culture when it comes to sex. Peer pressure and stupidity seems to have a huge influence over today's young men. Our pop culture doesn't make it any better.

I don't wish ill on the women I loved. I do wish them the best, despite how I was made to feel or what was said. I won't lie and say I'm happy with how things ended up...but I am happy with other things in my life. I'm not prince charming, I'm the first to admit that and a couple of you wouldn't let me forget it. Attraction plays a huge role in the beginnings of a relationship and that's a part that I do tend to fail...yet, I have no desire to play the game as you would have expect me to play it. If you want honesty, just ask for it and hold yourself to a higher standard, albeit a rationally thought out one.

As I said, I'm no Prince Charming.... but I am King Arthur. I have my kingdom, that's more than some of you can say. This is all more than I wanted to say.

All Heart.

It wasn't easy for her to care: In fact, it just didn't come natural. Her hair slipped behind her sunglasses and made her eye twitch. She saw that she was doing 80, but it didn't feel a bit over 55; a firm believer in driving fast with he windows down and it was a great day for a drive.

There were no cars on the road. Small town life is easier lived than thought of, or so it seems. The radio was playing some old Tom Petty song and her fingers reacted accordingly on the steering wheel. She kept thinking how warm it was tonight and that in a mere hour she'd be clubbing it up with her girls. The thought of the binge nudged her curiosity. Where would she end up tonight? Oh, the possibilities.

The tire wobbled before it blew out and sent her car into the guard rail. The windshield cracked as the car spun around seemingly from nothing. The steering wheel pulled a hard left against her hard right and her wrist snapped. The spinning car gained speed before settling comfortably over an embankment and her mouth smacked the steering wheel as a conclusive kiss upon arriving to her surprising destination. She tasted blood and couldn't move her arm. The door opened and she rolled out.

Her thoughts first wandered to "I'm gonna be late to the club," before finally setting upon "Holy Fuck." She felt her teeth: All there. Her wrist wasn't so lucky. The bone etched its way through the skin. She clutched her forearm with her left hand and held the wrist in air. Blood trickled down her arm. She threw up on herself and worked her way from her knees to her feet.

The Mustang was busted. Candle Apple paint littered the side of the bank as she made her back up to toward the road. In an act of conceit, she brushed the dust from her jeans and shirt while sacrificing her comfort to a sharp pain emanating from her wrist. There was dust in the wound and it felt like a thousand small fires.

Two directions presented themselves to her as new found options: "The way I came or The way I'm heading."

Given her trip toward her destination wasn't really working out, she headed back towards town. It wasn't long before some kind stranger pulled up and offered her a ride to the hospital. She smiled then collapsed onto the ground.

She woke up surrounded by doctors. It seemed as if all was a split second dream that made no sense. Like any newly woke person, those few precious seconds that blend our dreams with reality felt so wonderful. And then of course, throbbing agonizing pain. Words were tossed around above her in the confusion: scalpal, parents, awake, hear, parents again. She was finally able to pick something coherent out of the barrage being hurled to her.

"Everything will be OK."

She was overcome by sleep immediately. She had no dreams, it was a state of black. If she was aware, then it was surely death to her. She awoke, not long it had seemed, to the news that she'd been asleep for days hailing from the mouth of a young nurse. A Doctor who smelled of cigarettes and stetson entered not long after to ask her some questions.

"Any family?"

None.

"friends?"

Not really. None that would care enough to come out.

"Boyfriend? Someone that could stay with you?"

No.

Three questions made her feel like the loneliest person in the world and it almost brought her to tears.

"Anyone that you could call?"

Maybe.

"We had to amputate your hand."

And the world stopped. She cried and screamed and struggled. The bed did not give, nor did the straps. She was now a freak and made to feel like one. A beautiful twenty something that had the world in her....well...."hands."

She'd been called superficial before. She brushed it off as being chatter from some jealous bitch out to steal her thunder. When she spoke, people listened. It's what being young and beautiful meant. She abused every second of it.

The usual questions came to mind in the moments after: Why me? Does god hate me? What did I do to deserve this?

"You're gonna be here for a little while, we need someone we can call to let em' know you're here. I promise, I'll take good care of you." He said, smiled, then left the room as if he'd delivered the line that would make everything ok.

She always thought doctors were smug but now she had her proof.

The next few days were difficult to say the least. The lacerations that were inscribed on her face were bothersome. She couldn't put her make up on. Her "girls" wanted pics, probably to discuss and pity among their clicks she thought. It was hard enough putting her makeup on. At least she still had her teeth.

Eating breakfast in her room, she noticed the wheelchairs and beds going down the hall. It helped pass the time, that and Oprah. Sometimes people would come to chat, she shooed them away in disgust. These were the lonely days. The best was yet to come.

I'll finish this later. I just had to write something.

Super 8 Review

When I was a kid, I used to watch a lot of horror movies. To some extent, I still do. However, the movies I watched and loved like "The Monster Squad," and "My Science Project" all had a team thing going on. They were kids uniting and fighting a greater threat but also sharing a bond, having that story to tell when we were older. After I moved back from Delaware, I didn't have a whole lot of friends to hang out with. I dove into those movies of that nature to fill the void of living in an excluded area.

"Super 8" is one of those movies that reminds me a lot of my childhood. They come around every so often, but given the nature of studios pumping out crap and torture porn in the Horror genre, you don't really get to see camaraderie all that much in film. A lot of people have tossed around examples of "Jaws" and "Close Encounters" as inspirations to the film. I honestly never got that vibe at any point in the film. Super 8 is much more "Monster Squad" and "Stand by Me" than anything. The story is more about the relationships of the kids than something sinister going after townspeople. While "Super 8" does have a neat looking monster and a nice twist on its sentience, it is not solely focused on that part of the story.

"Super 8" throws a lot of surprises in with a unique perspective on the lives of children. The story begins with a young boy named Joe on a swing set who has just lost his mother in an accident. You immediately get a sense of wonder about the child and understand his loneliness. His father, played by Kyle Chandler, seems a harsh and angry man due to the nature of his wife's death. After this point, you eventually meet Joe's friends who happen to be his one saving grace. All of his friends are characters in themselves, Charlie and Cary especially.

Charlie is my favorite. He's a wannabe film director and writer who was inspired by the classics such as "Night of the Living Dead" and "Halloween" much like myself. He really reminds me of me at times and his dialogue with Cary is a treasure. The scene at the table in the restaurant is classic and literally made me laugh out loud.

Then there's Alice. Elle Fanning, Dakota's very talented sister. I gotta say, the acting in the film was great, especially Alice's character. I thought all the kids were great but she really stood out. Dakota fanning has quite the reputation and is quite the accomplished actress herself but Elle looks to surpass her in many ways. She can carry a scene by herself, even at such a young age. It was quite amazing.

The turning point in the story involves a massive train wreck in which many of the previews have already given away. Yes, there's something on the train and it escapes. The creature itself is very unique. It has been abused by humans doesn't like them very much, its sole reason to survive is to get off this rock. It also uses the populous as the occasional snack. Although, I really do like the creature and effects, he's not the biggest part of the story. There's some disappointment there because you never really get the full "Alien vs. Army" vibe, although the creature does lay the smack down on some soldiers in a severely harsh way.

"Super 8" is a film that may not live up to the hype surrounding it. But that's not to say it's not a great film. I loved every second of it, but it really was made for a guy like me. It reminded me of all the times I spent fantasizing about being one of the characters fighting evil with my friends. Nostalgia is a very potent drug. I do recommend the film if you like Spielberg or Abrams, or want that "Stand by Me" feeling. Movies aren't made for that audience anymore, which is a shame, but those movies are persistent enough to remain a part of those that love them for many years. It helps pass the time until something like "Super 8" comes along.

8 of 10.

The Dark Knight Rises- Geek Talkin'

Well, let's see....What do we know about TDKR so far?

....Not Shit really.


We know Anne Hathaway is Catwoman.

"Meow."

We know Tom Hardy is Bane and yes, we've seen bane. He looks like he'll destroy someone.

Not "Meow."

There is in face a Lazarus Pit.....

"The thumb wrestling incident...."

And Ras Al Ghul has something to do with the plot....

"Like a bat outta hell, I'll be gone when the mornin' comes!"

Bane is one of the best villains of all time. Despite the abysmally bad "Batman & Robin," there's a lot of potential in Bane. He's a dominant personality, a physical and mental genius, and despite all of the other villains in the rogues gallery, he has been the one that has physically destroyed Batman. He has deduced Bruce Wayne's Identity, destroyed Wayne Manor, and broken Batman's back. And I do believe he's killed a Robin somewhere in there as well. 

It's no secret that Nolan's films are exceptionally dark, but Nolan has a chance to go where no Batman film has ever gone before....Into Frank Miller territory. Frank Miller's synonymous with the darker side of story telling. Batman's weaknesses are not known to his foes, other than The Joker (But the joker doesn't care about his weaknesses) and Batman has always come out unscathed in the film world. The Dark Knight changed all that with the loss of Rachel Dawes. Bruce/Batman had lost something dear to him and it exploited his weakness severely. While The Joker had been playing a mere game for his own amusement, Bane is a much more focused adversary. 

Bane is a calculating and dominating force in the Gallery, and like the examples above, he goes all in. I believe Batman will be making some huge gambles and will be doing a lot more detective work. The shadows can conceal him for only so long. 

And what part does Ras Al Ghul play? Mentor to Bane? Does he introduce Bane to the Venom?  Or is that what the Lazarus Pit is? In the comics, The Lazarus Pit is the source of Ras' supposed immortality and power.  It is a secret that has kept him alive for hundreds of years and allowed him to amass a great following. Whatever role he plays, I feel it will not be an expected one. 

The Dark Knight Rises is a little over a year off. I'm happy with the casting...but Hathaway has the most to prove here. I love her in Devil Wears Prada, Becoming Jane is also good work from her, however.....She really hasn't proven herself on any other level. She makes forgettable films like Valentines Day and Bride Wars....She really doesn't challenge herself enough. But I have full faith in Nolan and his vision for the finale. I think she's talented enough and I hope she pulls out a great performance, one that I hope she is capable of. I think it will open up a lot of doors to her, especially if she dials in something spectacular. 

TDKR is the movie that I've waited my entire life to see. I hope I live to July 2012, but I know there's no guarantee. Let's hope that we're in for something wild. 

Review: The Hangover Part II, kinda....Then SUPER!

I have two goals when I write reviews: One: I love to read my opinions about films at later dates and see if it still holds true...and Two: I want to see how my friends felt about said films if I can coerce them into watching those films. I love a good movie discussion. Between Justin and I, we've had a few epic wins at the movies and we're diehard comic geeks. My buddy Jon has also been my movie going compadre the longest out of anyone and we both share a love of cinema that has led to a lot of good times. So, in essence, I just love all things film and cinema. So...Without further...Ehh, no cliche. Here...we...Go!

The Hangover was about 3 friends and a guy they're forced to bring along to Vegas and the hilarity that ensued after drug induced shenanigans. The Hangover Part 2 is the exact same film. That's not a bad thing. It's hilarious, most definitely, and so wrong in all the right ways...but it's almost disappointing that they didn't try a different approach. If you loved the first one, you will love the second one. That's really all I can write about


And the next film review....IS SUPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHUT UP, CRIME! 

When I first got wind of James Gunn, he was writing a little movie called Slither, which happens to be one of the most fun horror movies in the last 10 years. It starred a relatively unknown actor(unless you were keeping up with Joss Whedon) known as Nathan Fillion. The movie ended up sparking my interest quite a bit but then I never saw anything James did after that...as a matter of face, I believe he dropped off the face of the earth.

That is, until Super.

I had odd expectations coming into this film. All of the trailers had it looking like a comedy mocking superhero films starring Dwight from The Office and the Juno girl, otherwise known as Rainn Wilson and Ellen Page. I figured I'd be in for a few laughs and it would be an alright watch. I was very wrong. 

Super is a lot of fun. Surprisingly, it's a movie with a lot of heart and it's quite sad in a lot of ways. Super surprised me by coming out strong and building into a movie that really had an uplifting and unlikely plot. Most notably, Rainn Wilson can ACT! And not just ACT! I was really quite taken with his character, as he grows from a rather unlikable loser to a very sympathetic hero. There are several scenes that just blow my mind with how well Wilson keeps a straight face. Especially those scenes with Ellen Page..

Ellen Page, hands down, steals every scene she is in. Her gleeful laughter as she cuts up a bad guy during the film had me laughing so hard my rib cage was hurting. She was wonderful. A huge step up from Juno, which I also loved, and she creates the perfect companion for Rainn in Bolt-Girl. 

Make no mistake, Super is a very harsh film. There is a lot of Violence but not really in a distasteful way. Super puts you in the judges seat, you see these bad people and you're the voyeur. They go down and you cheer. It's really hard not to when you see the likes of the people that are represented in the film. Even a welcome presence of Kevin Bacon is marred by how unlikable he is ultimately portrayed. There are no real people to root far as the film starts. Everyone has their weaknesses and flaws...but that's what makes Super so damn interesting. It's a character piece on the realities of humanity. Yes, it's done in jest, but it's a parody of life, not simply comic book and crime films. Some of the harshest moments involve emotion more-so than violence. I almost cried near the end of the movie because of a lot of unexpected yet excellently staged events unfold. 

Super has to be one of my favorite films of all time. I was struck by the imagination and gritty realism that is portrayed on screen. There are some excellent performances by Liv Tyler, Keven Bacon, Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page and a most welcome cameo by Nathan Fillion. This is a movie for movie lovers, you MUST see it if you love cinema at all because it has a lot of the best parts of it. Now, excuse me, I think I'm going to go watch it again. 

Dr. Death

Dr. Death: A harsh name for such an interesting individual. I grew up reading about this man, this doctor who has  ended the lives of so many, who has created a question which I believe did not exist before he began humanizing patients. How can one be denied death if, in fact, they prefer to die? At what point in our life does life become ours?

Euthanasia is a risqué subject. There's very little on TV that involves the subject, so naturally, the populous knows little. What they do know is that it is generally "wrong" in the public's eye. I find that interesting. I have no doubt that those feelings stem from religious ideals, after all, this great deity in the sky made us out of clay and we are all special and are of one body and soul in the lord's eyes. That's a great thought, but there are some flaws....for one, that "of one body" feeling doesn't really exist outside of clever political wording and church. As a society we group things based on how special we think they are. Think about how we survive in nationhood. For instance, we have classes (upper, middle and lower) that are generally used to separate the poor from the wealthy, we have types of healthcare coverage (basic, premium, elite) which dictate if we're going to survive longer than the next guy. We have lawmakers, ditch workers, police officers, criminals. Even in religion, you have leaders, sects, and movements all based on the superiority of ideals and separation. Are we to believe that we are equal in some great plan? Well, yes, it's expected and required for membership in certain places.

What is the right to life? Reader, do you feel you have that right? You pick out your own clothes in the mornings, you may choose to go to church, choose to play basketball or to write like I am writing now. We have free will or at least the perception of it, but can you choose to die? Of course, you may not want to die, but that is an inevitable thing. There is a concept of a natural death, but that therein is the sole reason we have gotten to know Dr. Death a little better.

Ask any home nurse if they'd trade life for a day with the patient attended to that is in ta devastating condition; chances are they won't be inclined to do so. Dr. Kevorkian spent a lot of his time talking to patients, understanding their fears and understanding their anguish. He wasn't "killing" people as some social outlets would have us believe. He was attending to a need; in this instance, that need was to die. Reading this, I'm sure it's odd: the right to die? We can kill ourselves, we call that suicide. It is apparently selfish in every instance and hurtful to a family situation. What if the family is consulted? Well, they could commit the individual and take away their primary self care rights, also known as the right to life.

We define life differently; Hindus believe that it is a circle and our Karma comes around to us in our death and based on our Karma, that determines what kind of life we will lead in our afterlife. Christians view life as a sacred work moving forward and they must instill their principals at all costs. Everyone has to face the fact that life is not defined by only us. There are a lot of influences in our day to day life that make us who we are. It is not simply our religion, our social interactions, or our knowledge of things: it can become any of those things eventually, but that's not really who we are. We can occupy our time praying or studying but that doesn't mean much without a clear idea and a will to do it. Yet, in turn, we find it difficult to justify death despite the fact that we already do it in how we learn or adapt.

Religion teaches death is a part of life and there are many things written and practiced that involve coping and overcoming death. Our legal system and religions take away the right to life. When we buy the cow...we get the milk so to speak.

So, I ask you, if you cannot walk, cannot breath without assistance, cannot think without pain, cannot exist without agony...is that life? and do we not have a right to an alternative? The greatest threat to personal freedom is the centralization of an institution whether it's government, religion...or just opinion.

Dr. Jack was made a demon for his work. Anyone could argue he did it to help or he did it to hurt, but only Jack knows why he did it. You cannot argue the fact that he had customers. You cannot argue the fact that some believe that "right" works both ways.

Tomorrow would be different.

She walked through the door and laid her keys and phone on the table. The brown coat slid off her arms and her shoulders felt relaxed as if she had dropped the weight of the world from them. She fell over the arm of the couch and slid comfortably into place. The house was silent, which was something she very desperately needed. Her body felt insecure laying on the couch. She felt too fat. She stared at the ceiling and felt her stomach with her hands. It suddenly stopped mattering to her and she cried a little. The lights were dim and her eyes followed the shadows they created like a foreign galaxy projected on her walls. It had been a long day.

She finally convinced herself to move. How long had it been since she was required to do nothing? A question she felt no need to answer. She rose from her stillness and her footsteps were welcome chaos on the hardwood. She slipped her shoes off and checked her text messages. They were an empty language she did not feel inclined to decipher. The phone sang its tune as she severed the power at the press of a button. The refrigerator looked tempting and she remembered strawberries and chocolate syrup. She was overwhelmed and smiled a bit.

She placed a bowl on the counter and filled it with strawberries. She poured the syrup in generous streams and made smiley faces out of meal. The Mountain Dew tickled her throat as she washed it down. Eating her feelings was one thing, but today she felt like eating her entire life away. She stopped herself at two bowls though a few more may have made her feel better. "Carnal Knowledge" she thought. Oh well.

She removed her clothing and stood in front of the mirror starting at her naked body. The air was cold and her skin became alive with goosebumps. She had felt cold all day. Summer meant nothing today for today was winter. She placed her hands on her left breast and felt. Perhaps the doctor was wrong and if she felt nothing this would all just go away. She did feel something: A small knot on the inner breast no larger than a peanut. She felt insulted something so small could destroy her in such a manner. Yesterday she was smiling and laughing with her mother on their shopping spree. Today was not that kind of day. She stood still and stared at her body. It was a strange feeling. She felt beautiful. As insecure as she had been her entire life, this naked body, a stranger's body, was beautiful. It couldn't be her, she was only a passenger using another's eyes for a small moment.

She walked into the bathroom and ran a hot bath. She poured over half a 20 ounce bottle of bubble bath into the waiting pool. It's scent of mango and kiwi intoxicated her being and she gave herself freely. She turned off the faucet and placed her foot into the steaming water. The heat was a sensation, just absent a baptism. It engulfed her body like a gas fire and she felt free of her thoughts. She leaned her head back and cried some. What would she tell her mother? How would her boyfriend react? How many bills were due this month? Did she remember to set the alarm? Isn't she too young? And then her thoughts went elsewhere for a while; meadows, highways, where these things did not exist.

The water cooled in time but she wasn't aware until it was freezing. The bubbles died down and she knew it was time to get out of the tub. She dried her body and put on a robe. Her hair was stringy and curled from the water. She laid her body on her bed. It was strangely warm and comfortable. She welcomed the relief. A bottle of sleeping pills lay by the bed. She could take them all and sleep for years, wouldn't that be something? Instead, she took two and placed her head on the large pillow. As it sank into the cushioning she was sure of only one thing: tomorrow would be different.

life as I see it and some advice along the way....RAMBLE ON!

I am a different person than I was one year ago, even 5 years ago. I am comfortable with who I am, perhaps for the first time in my life. I've always fought a war between who I am and who I wanted to be. I have not lived a very comfortable life. I've had to fight for the few things I do have and though, I may come across as an opinionated asshole quite a bit, I'm not that person all of the time. I come across that way because it's in my demeanor and I'm use to the conflict and my mouth has yet to be disciplined.

When I graduated High School, which seems like ages ago, It seems like I was expected to know who I was and what to do. I was very far from knowing both of those things. I was just as lost as I was found. I got a job, took a few classes and ended up with nothing really to show for it. I was in love with someone who was not in love with me.

I actually once pretended to be someone else on ICQ just to see how she was. I know, LAME! But it stands out and is a good story to tell...kinda. But alas, I made a lot of quick decisions running from things I should have been running to. I met a girl from Missouri(I know what you're thinking....bear with me). I went out, three times. Once for over a month. At that point, it felt like home. I felt accepted by someone for once and I thought if it crumbled, and it did crumble, I would be nobody.

It took me a long time to get over that loss. And I rushed into more crappy decisions to do so. I find it hard to be in a relationship or attempt one because of the way I treated them in the past. I'm hesitant...that's an understatement. Truth be told, I like my life as a single guy. I'm not sure I am capable of connecting...though I do not refrain from trying. I keep myself grounded in reality and I think things through a lot more so than in the past.

Through my life, I found out who my friends were, and even though I don't get to see them as much as I'd like with schedules and...just life in general, I still love them all. And I'm lucky to have met so many great people over the years that I'd call my brothers and sisters. I've been blessed with a lot of people, some I've even took for granted over the years...but I know where my place is now. And part of being here means I will never forget those who stood by me.

I know that someone is reading this and wondering: "What the fuck is the point?"

HOLD THE HELL ON! IT'S COMING!

I've done a lot of things that I do wish I could take back: rushed into things without thinking, created a persona that wasn't quite me, and placed bets on too many of the wrong cards....But here I am, 26 years old, virtually unscathed.

But I survived. I'm the person I am because of my life. I stand up on my own two feet and I'm not dependent on anyone. I'm a different sort of guy and I've embraced that. There are things that scare the shit out of me that I see in my future...but I face those things with an open mind and an open heart. I can't be a perfect person, but I don't strive for that. I strive to be a better person.

So, at the end of all this rambling, for those that made it here, I want the reader to know that you are not alone. Everyone fights a war against themselves at one time or another. Take it from one who knows; keep your head up. There are so many situations that we feel we have no control over and that feeling will tear at your foundation. Whether you're in a breakup, a midlife crisis or you're just a fool like me, you are what you FIGHT to become.

I know who I am. What I want takes a backseat to that. I stand for something, in spite of my past, so I can step in my future. I know more than anyone that he who does not fall never stands. And I want to thank anyone who has ever sent a positive vibe or prayer my way. Without you, I would not have made it.

God of Thunder and Rock & Roll.

Obligatory: Stop.....Hammertime!

Who's everyone's favorite God of badass hammers and thunder? That's right, it's Thor! Thor was a movie that I never thought would be filmed. Thor is a hard comic to adapt. Taking in account the myths and legends that surround the character...It's almost scary to be put in the shoes of someone who has to pump out a script for this. But...Thor is also a film and script that succeeds on almost all levels. Strong character driven story, great battles, epic adventure, and great dialog make Thor the film it is.

The gist of the film consists of Thor tricked into violating a long standing truce by his brother Loki, leaving him banished from Asgard and exiled to the mortal realm of Earth.  Simple synopsis but the execution of said events are Thor's strong point. 

Most comic books start off with said hero acquiring their power or motivation for being who and what they are; Thor, however, is a different story. The character already has his badassery during the beginning of the film. He's straight up kicking giant ass 15 minutes into the film. It's kind of refreshing not to have to sit through another Origin story considering those kind of peaked with Batman Begins. There simply has not been a good one since. Even well received films like Iron Man suffer from a weak Origin. Props to the script for avoiding a long and drawn out narrative. 

Thor, being the established God that he is, still has his tragic flaws. He is an arrogant warrior who rushes to decisions all too soon, eventually jeopardizing a long standing truce between Asgard and The Frost Giants set forth by one uber-badass Anthony Hopkins as Odin. Hopkins, who slums a lot for a paycheck despite being one of the best actors ever, is really awesome here. When news of his casting was announced, I simply thought he'd be in the film about 2 minutes and that would be that. Thankfully, this was not the case. Odin plays a big part in Thor's story and character. 

Speaking of great actors, it's very difficult to talk about anyone without mentioning both Thor and Loki. Hemsworth is terrific as Thor. He brings the character to life in the same way as Downey Jr.'s Iron Man and Bale's Batman are brought to life. His charisma adds a lot to the character of Thor and he actually ends up being a damn good actor. I first saw him in the opening of Abrams' Star Trek as Kirk's father, in less than 10 minutes, he made you feel like you wanted to cry. He's a very emotional actor and really puts forth the effort to be the character. At no point does it ever feel like he is not Thor which has been a problem with a lot of Marvel works lately. 

On the other end of the spectrum you have Loki as played by Tom Hiddleston. I have no idea where this guy came from. I've never seen him in anything other than Thor, but WOW! He sure makes Loki one hell of a villain. He's very symbolic in his portrayal and quite sympathetic. I really felt bad for Loki through the whole film. Hiddleston is an excellent actor, perhaps the best performance in the film. I can't say enough good things about it. There is a scene with Odin and Loki after Thor's Banishment that simply gives me chills. 

"Oh, Look, Hulk! A Taco Bell!!!"

The supporting cast is great as well, all of Thor's battle buddies are present: Volstagg to Sif. But of course, there is on weakness to the film....Natalie Portman. I love Natalie in pretty much everything she does. But in this film...she's just kind of here. No real performance, and she's adequate as Thor's main squeeze...but I never got the impression that she was this great physicist or cared about what her work would bring. But I may just be nitpicking here. 

          

Thor is one of the very few comic book movies that you don't have to read the comic book to understand or enjoy. That's one of the strong points about the film. Thor is not just a good comic book film, it is a great movie and perhaps my favorite of the Marvel films. It's a must see for the summer and a must own for any self respecting geek.

9 out of 10. 

And one year later.

So, I reactivated this thing. Disregard the other entries. I'm a different person now and have been for some time. I guess I should catch the blog up. Let's start with this years events.

Since last August I've: Been Accepted to Virginia Tech in the English Program(eventually to become ESL), Graduated from NRCC, Been accepted into a Dorm at VT, Got a job at Walmart(gag) and have matured quite a bit....well, all the important parts are still just as immature. :) I've lost about 40 pounds and I'm also a vegetarian(GASP! WILLPOWER! Holla at ya boy!).

So, That's been my year. It's a pretty great year. Also, I've come to a lot of realizations about my life and I have compromised greatly with myself. I have a different disposition but I'm still the same old me, just with more cocaine jokes. I have been blessed by Thor with some really good things lately and I've been in the mood to write constantly, yet, I've withheld that. My grammar has suffered. This blog is going to be more random than anything. I don't want to focus too much on any given thing. I have a lot of interests; Quantam Physics, Agnosticism, Music, Movies, Viking Mythology, Russian Literature, and youtubes of people getting hurt in funny ways. I hope to be able to share some of my writing as well. If you happen to work for a paper/magazine/blog site....PLEASE FUCKING HIRE ME! I'm like Hunter S. Thompson/George Carlin/Thor/Jesus/That Creepy Guy at the 7/11. :) And I'm broke as fuck-all.

I know my blog is a bit depressing at the moment. I hope to have a new and improved (greener) layout up by the weekend. Who knows what I'll do? I sure don't. Anyways, feel free to comment, be nice, be a cunt, either way, I'm still awesome. So, if you think I should write about something, Just suggest it. Comments are always welcome.

Now, to the disclaimer: I'm not worrying about offending anyone. I've been through enough shit to form my own opinions about things. If you're offended easily, this blog won't be for you. This is how I see the world. You may see it differently, that's fine, but I'm not the right person to be reading if your day consists of work and the couch. I'm a different sort. I know who I am, and it's taken long enough,; I don't offer apologies for that. Neither should you. :)